


"two halves of one heart"

by SEUN8MINS



Series: beyond the gaps between day and night [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mentioned Lee Felix (Stray Kids)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:35:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27614950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SEUN8MINS/pseuds/SEUN8MINS
Summary: What they go through is like a bad mantra --- repetitive and basically boring. It’s like a chick flick gone bad. Hyunjin gets dumped then he runs to Seungmin. Seungmin, who is all willing to welcome him with his arms wide open. The cycle continues.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Series: beyond the gaps between day and night [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018998
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	"two halves of one heart"

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first *shakes* contribution to my favorite pair right now (since I'm a new Stay hihi)  
> If there's anything, please do not be shy to comment. 
> 
> Title is taken from Troye Sivan's for him.
> 
> P.S
> 
> I LOVE LIXIE VERY VERY MUCH! It's just that I cannot, for the life of me think someone else, ig?? Felix is a Sunshine!
> 
> P.P.S
> 
> inspired from a fic way back before

Seungmin opens the door with a wary and tired smile.

He stands on the other side of the door with his black jet hair tousled and messy and eyes a little sleepy. His white pajamas are a little too big for him.

Hyunjin can’t help but to smile. A little bit. But then his smile fades as soon as he realizes why he’s here.

_Of all places._

“Not a nice time to talk?” He asks tentatively.

But Seungmin shakes his head and lets him in. Seungmin always does. It’s a little bit making him suspicious. Why Seungmin’s always been nice. Only nice when it comes to Hyunjin and his fucking problems.

What they go through is like a bad mantra --- repetitive and basically boring. It’s like a chick flick gone bad. Hyunjin gets dumped then he runs to Seungmin . Seungmin , who is all willing to welcome him with his arms wide open. With a gentle and small smile on his face. Then Hyunjin walks out once more from the younger’s life. Then back to him. The cycle continues.

He enters the apartment and looks for any traces of someone else. But he fails. It’s always been Kim Seungmin and his lonely apartment. Yet, somehow, this feels like home. (With the addition of Seungmin’s warmth, the sole reason why this is where Hyunjin chooses to run.)

“So no Felix?” Seungmin inquires as soon as they settle on the black couch they both have bought two years ago in IKEA. He remembers it clear as the sun falling on the other’s face. It shines.

But Hyunjin stills. _Lee Felix_ , he sighs.

“Do you have any beer?” He asks back.

Seungmin keeps a straight face then leaves for the kitchen. Hyunjin sighs again. It’s been exhilarating to deal with a relationship like his and Felix’s. They fight and hurt each other. Sharp words and accusations. And Seungmin is there to catch and patch him up. When the storm calms down, Hyunjin runs away from Seungmin. Yet, Seungmin continues to be there for him.

His attention is brought back when he feels Seungmin playfully putting the cold can of beer on his cheek. All cold and wet. He has the audacity to even smile cheekily at him.

“Jerk.” Hyunjin comments, opening his beer can and sipping from it. “But yeah, I guess we kind of ended it?”

“How many times have you ever told me that?” The younger rolls his eyes at him.

“But I guess this time, it’s real.” His eyes flicker sadness all of a sudden. Because he knows he’s going to miss Lee Felix. _For a while_. “Maybe, I’m scared of relationships.”

“Scared of relationships?” Seungmin tsks. “Jinnie, your relationship only consists of Felix on and off and on and off. How many times have you been doing this? I can’t---” He tries to count with his fingers. “I can’t even count anymore.”

Hyunjin smirks on his beer can and throws a pillow on his best friend. “Shut up, Kim Seungmin-ssi and listen to me weep.”

“Oh my god.” Seungmin gasps, hearing his full name from Hyunjin’s lips. Hyunjin finds enjoyment when he riles up the younger like this. “You’re just being impossible, fucker.”

“Whatever. I'll call you however and whichever I want!”

Seungmin closes his eyes and frowns. “Don’t worry, Hyunjinnie, there are still lots of fish swimming around in the sea. Pretty sure you’re going to catch the proper fish this time.”

Hyunjin sighs.

He only hopes his best friend is right. There are plenty of fish in the sea but why does it feel like they all swim too fast that Hyunjin can’t catch them down properly? Will he be able to find someone that doesn’t seem like he’s only there for a fleeting time?

“Jinnie.” Seungmin calls, waking him up from his thoughts. “You okay there?”

“Just--- thinking.” He reasons out. “I mean, I think I really can’t handle a relationship well. Maybe I’m the real problem here.”

“Perhaps, you’re right.” Seungmin says, standing up to get the remote control of the TV.

And Hyunjin muses as he watches Seungmin and his all too fucking wide shoulders, the curve of Seungmin’s back, and how his jet black hair sticks on his nape. He tries not to think about it, but he can’t help it.

He thinks he kind of knows why he feels unhappy about his other relationship, knows what (or who) to make him happy but it’s an idea that he’s trying so hard to burn at the back of his mind.

_Bad bad thoughts. Shut up and go away._

\-----

“Do you realize how fucking rad it was?” Hyunjin smiles, fascinated as they both watch the fireworks in the sky. Seungmin has brought him for a road trip back to the first place they went to when Seungmin had his first car in Busan. It is still as beautiful as he remembers. The air is fresh and the livelier.

Hyunjin is elated as they stand in front of Seungmin’s car, backs pressed, and Seungmin is smiling. Seungmin is smiling widely and Hyunjin feels a little tingly inside. There’s something about the way Seungmin’s eyes light up when he smiles so genuinely and uncaring of the world that is _too_ addicting to look at. That Hyunjin shouldn’t consider looking at.

“Do you?” Hyunjin repeats, a little bit excited. He’s been missing this place --- his first trip without his family but only his best friend.

He doesn’t expect for Seungmin to go out of his way like this. Not when finals are coming up and Seungmin is the biggest fucking nerd Hyunjin has ever known to exist in this world.

Seungmin just bumps his shoulder with his. Hyunjin is itching to do something --- but he tries ignoring that particular itch. It’s not going to be fair for his best friend. He, amongst all the people in this world, should be the one to protect him.

“You know this is never going to happen again.” Seungmin says jokingly. Hyunjin pouts at his best friend. “Unless you fucking pay for the gas, of course.”

“But I’m a broke ass student.”

“What am I? Your sugar mommy?”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “I’ve had better. A sugar daddy.”

“Fuck off, Jinnie.” Seungmin yells at him, giving him punches on his shoulders lightly.

Hyunjin tries. So so so hard to stop himself. But the way Seungmin is teasing him, down to his fucking adorable smile then to Seungmin’s lips moving, he gets a blurry vision and then…. _soft soft red and warm._ His heart warms up a bit.

But then ‘ _fuck holy shit_ ’, he realizes pulling back with an awkward smile, “I’m sorry I ---”

Then there is a hand on his cheek and Seungmin’s lips are on him again. Hyunjin is floating in cloud nine this time that he gives no fuck about the surrounding or wherever they are at the moment. It’s with Kim Seungmin. Kim Seungmin, the boy he’s met in the first year of his University, the boy who taught him to pick himself up in every trouble he’s been. It’s the same man who has his hands cupping his jaws. It’s Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin’s best friend.

The weather is cold, but Hyunjin’s heart is a little warm inside.

\-----

It’s a little uncomfortable the way their bodies are pressed at the back seat of Seungmin’s car. But maybe -- -just maybe, Hyunjin thinks it’s warmer with Seungmin’s touches and his leather seats compared to his own fluffy mattress.

“You know---” Seungmin starts with a smile that is between shy and elated.

Hyunjin looks away with his hands curling on Seungmin’s unbuttoned shirt as he tries to look away with a lump inside his throat. There is no such thing as perfect as much as he wants to pretend that this one can be an exemption, except it isn’t. It will never be.

“Seung, you know I’m bad with relationships.” He confesses, because it is with his best friend. “You’ve watched me and Felix and I’m a real shit.”

“But can we at least try?”

He wants to know why Seungmin wants this as much as he does. He knows he should have done a much better job in warning Seungmin, his best friend, should have laid out more reasons as to why we should never do this.

(But, really, Seungmin knows what he’s getting into. It’s his heart at stake but he’d rather try than do nothing at all. In life and love, everything is a gamble.)

At the end of it, Hyunjin nods and gives up. He wants to try it --- with him --- with Seungmin this time.

He wants to make it work.

Seungmin silences whatever his mind is thinking with his own lips and Hyunjin thinks he wants Seungmin to keep silencing his thoughts and worries if he’s getting kisses like this in the future.

\-----

“Wait, you fucking do figure skating?”

Seungmin throws a pillow on his face as Hyunjin looks at his old photos. They both laugh and this is what Hyunjin likes the most about this. Just him and Seungmin.

“I just skate, asshole, not figure skate.”

Hyunjin clicks his tongue in disappointment. They are best friends in a fucked up way. Somehow, they meet when they both start ttheir fresh man year in University, fresh and lost. Now, both of them are graduating and Hyunjin is in love.

“How did you start skating?”

“My dad has a rink.”

“God, rich people and their money.”

Seungmin tugs him on his lap and Hyunjin wiggles his ass around for a more comfortable seat. His heart skips a beat when Seungmin puts his chin on his shoulders.

“Do you think you can skate for me?”

“Jin, we are preparing for the finals and we’re busy, how can you even find time to want to skate?”

Hyunjin shrugs his shoulders. “I think it would be just nice to see you with your costume on while figure skating.” The elder shakes his head --- he finds amusement in imagining Seungmin and his costume for figure skating.

“For the last time,” Seungmin says with sigh. “I don’t wear costumes. I do skate but not figure skate.”

Then Hyunjin laughs. It’s genuine and nice because it’s Seungmin as he stops the latter from tickling him. It’s nice to be in a non-toxic relationship. It’s nicer to be with Seungmin, he realizes. He knows what Hyunjin wants --- what Hyunjin needs, and he doesn’t expect anything in return.

When their joined laughter stop, Hyunjin wonders out loud. “What’s wrong with figure skating, Seungminnie?”

And oh god, Seungmin swoops in for another tickling round.

\-----

It’s too warm and Hyunjin forgets how to breathe properly.

The way Seungmin’s fingers burn Hyunjin’s skin. The way he’s so gentle and kind about this. It’s all overwhelming Hyunjin and it’s quite hard to find the right amount of oxygen.

Hyunjin is Seungmin’s first. It’s obvious by the way his fingers tremble on his skin and the way his pupils waver just by the way he looks at him.

_Endearing_ , Hyunjin decides as he taps the younger on his cheek. “Hey.” He breathes out. “You’re okay. Okay.”

And then Seungmin circles his arms around Hyunjin’s neck and loves how Seungmin is trusting him and thinks that if this is how it feels like to be adored, he’d choose this any time. With Seungmin and just Seungmin because he's been wanting this --- he's been trying to suppress how he really feels for his own fucking best friend, but then tonight --- it's just like he can't.

He’s in too deep and it’s okay for Hyunjin.

\-----

Their limbs tangle into a mess as they both roll off of the bed, both laughing and carefree after what's supposed to be their study session which ends up into a make out session instead. But it's alright, Hyunjin guesses when he looks at the mirror in Seungmin’s room.

Both of their hair is a mess of greasiness from trying to touch too much. Both of their lips busted from kissing too much. Still, he thinks it's still okay because he'd rather have Seungmin’s hands on his body than nothing at all.

“Your birthday is coming.” Seungmin’s hands are spread like eagle's on his bed, his other hand on Hyunjin’s chest.

Hyunjin makes a face. “So?”

Seungmin groans and punches Hyunjin’s stomach. He laughs when he hears a growl from the younger. “What do you mean so? I should get you a gift.”

“Bro.” Hyunjin faces him on his side. “Last year you didn't get me a gift, what makes you think you should give me a present this time?”

Seungmin faces him, too, and Hyunjin freezes for a moment. They've been so intimate with each other. He knows each and every curve of his best friend's face. Knows how freaking pretty Seungmin’s mole on his left cheek is. But, Hyunjin still gets shock because fuck, _I'm dating my best friend_.

“First of all, did you bro-zone me, really? Second of all, I'm kind of your like boyfriend now, so yeah?”

“Touché.”

“No, really,” He says with seriousness, finger running through his cheek then to his eye where his beauty mole is. “what do you want?”

“Will it be cheesy enough to say you're what I want?”

The least expected reaction Hyunjin is looking for is something romantic --- but Seungmin does it. He pulls him forward, till their foreheads are pressing on to each other, until their lips are centimetres away teasingly from each other. Seungmin does what Hyunjin least expects. Hyunjin enjoys it.

“That's an obvious statement, Hwang, but I want to give you something solid.”

Hyunjin thinks for a moment and then stifles a laugh on his hands. There's a blush on his cheeks, he knows the way Seungmin’s eyes are admiring his face. It's true, though, these past few months, it's been obvious that it's Seungmin that Hyunjin wants.

“What? What? What is it?” Seungmin’s curiosity is piqued.

“I want to see you skate.”

“Is there a valid reason why that would make you smile?”

Hyunjin reaches for his nose and pinches it. “I want to see you in your hot pink tight figure skating costume. Do you think that could happen?”

Seungmin bites his finger and smiles --- eyes disappearing into beautiful crescent of moons. “Fuck off, Hwang, I don't even fucking figure skate.”

“Do you have any problem with Queen Kim Yuna? You could be the King Kim Seungmin of Ice Rink.”

There's a bubbling laughter which is sealed by another kiss.

\-----

“Hwang Fucking Hyunjin!”

Hyunjingroans in displeasure. He's been trying to avoid this situation for the past few weeks (months) as far as he knows but he fully well knows that he can't just avoid this forever. Because it's Lee Felix and his stubbornness. It's Lee fucking Felix in his yellow coat, eyes puffy, and cute.

But he's over him now. Long gone over.

“Are you avoiding me?” Felix growls at him.

“Felix ...”

“I told you it's just a --- break.”

They're in the hallway --- at the end of this hallway is the dance studio where Hyunjin and Felix should be in ( a little over minutes ago ) but Felix has a tight hold on his arm, Hyunjin can't escape.

He lets out a pained sound, his heart hanging inside his throat. He's not expecting this to happen. He knows that what he and Felix had, in a sense, was a little unconventional and unorthodox. It's a game he knows how to play because he and Felix had been playing this exact game for how many years already.

He's grown tired, though.

“A break?” He asks in disbelief. “You said it's over.”

“Yeah, and in a sense, it's just like what we're used to do.”

“What? Like we're over and then we're not then the next moment you're hanging on with someone? Felix, what do you want me to do then? Just wait for you to finish your business with somebody else?”

“Isn't that what we're supposed to do?”

“To fool?”

Felix shakes his head in obvious annoyance. “You know that I really like you, Hyunjin. Are you on high?”

“And then what, Felix? You like me now then the next you don't?”

Felix swallows. Fingers running through his now pink hair. He just hopes Felix did not dye it for him. He's once told him he'd love to see him in a pink hair. “Is this because --- ?”

“I'm seeing someone, you're seeing someone, too, and that's that now.” Hyunjin clarifies because just last week, he's seen Felix with someone, making the fuck out in the University like he's owned it without a care.

It's not like he's hurt, anyway. He’s obviously gotten over him.

“I like you.” Felix still insists.

“And I do.” Felix admits. “As a friend. Now.”

“After everything?” Felix asks in disbelief, his face changing color. He, perhaps, is now finally realizing that Hyunjin is never changing his mind now. Unlike all those other times Felix has knocked down his walls. “After everything we do? That's just it?”

“Did.” Hyunjin corrects him. “What we did, yes, Felix. But you said we're over so it's over. I'm seeing someone now so that's it.”

Felix is about to protest --- about to say something when they hear footsteps and even when Hyunjin has his eyes closed, he'd surely know whose footsteps they are. Hyunjin freezes for he's heard these footsteps before. They have always been light to listen to.

Around the corner, Hyunjin meets Seungmin’s eyes who stops at the sight of them --- namely Hyunjin and Felix --- two people who shouldn't even be together. Not anymore.

“Hey.” The youngest greets uncertainly who even inclines his head towards Felix’s place ever politely. But he knows that Seungmin is cautious around Felix. He sees the hurt flushing in his eyes --- the hurt and jealousy and uncertainties.

It's killing Hyunjin, as well.

“Seungminnie.” Felix greets sweetly, keeping his hold on Hyunjin tighter. But Seungmin sees it and tries to hold Hyunjin on his other free hand, too.

“Felix, don't.” He warns him.

Seungmin nods. “Yes.”

But Felix is fucking stubborn and does what he wants and what he's best at. Felix has always been the best at hurting Hyunjin and throwing him under the bus. He's tried so many times to rip Hyunjin’s heart out and he's so damn best at it, but this time, it feels like this would be the fucking worst heartbreak Felix’s going to give him.

“Fucking, Felix ---” He tells him, trying to shut up his face but Felix doesn't let him. Not this time.

This time, Felix has spoken the words he's tried so hard not to hear anymore.

“Every time Hyunjin and I have a break, you know his ass is going to crawl back at me, right? You know how he's going to end up in my apartment once more when Hyunjin gets back to his fucking senses. It's always been like that, Seungminnie.”

“Fuck off!” Hyunjin yells through gritted teeth.

Then Felix pushes him off and runs away. Hyunjin finds it hard to breathe. Not when Seungmin is looking like he's a kicked puppy. The air is too thick and Hyunjin feels like his heart is breaking into pieces once more. It hurts more --- more than the other times Felix and he had broken up.

“Is that true?” Seungmin finally speaks after the awkward silence that hangs them both.

Hyunjin kicks the wall. “Seungminnie...”

“Are you messing up with him while we are together?”

“No.” He denies almost immediately because it's the truth. “I haven't even met him since we started.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“You're lying.”

“No, I'm not. I told you, we're over when I walked in to your apartment that day. It's over when he said it's over and no, I haven't been messing up with him nor with you.”

Seungmin gives him a long hard look. “But it isn't over with him, and it's obvious.” He points out. “He's jealous and it's not just nothing, Jinnie, if he's jealous that means he's still feeling something for you.”

“Well, I don't.”

“Don't you, really?” He inquires back. “Don't you really feel something for him? After all these years you're with him? How long have you been trying to end what you and he have? Two or three years? Tell me you don't even feel anything for him anymore.”

“I really don't.”

“Felix is under the impression you're coming back to him, and he's so so sure that you would crawl your way back to him.” Hyunjin’s heart skips a beat for a moment. “And I don't know what to think of this anymore.”

“Seung----”

But Seungmin is already going his way away from him.

There goes his shattered heart.

\-----

“You're here.” Hyunjin says in lieu of a greeting.

Seungmin is in the rooftop of his apartment, a cigar in between his lips. The younger has once told him he's stopped smoking so why the hell is he smoking now is something that Hyunjin can't comprehend.

“What are you doing here?” He asks.

“Nothing.” Seungmin’s answer is cold. Seungmin is cold.

Hyunjin’s heart is colder.

“Thought you'd stop smoking.” He says instead.

He shrugs and puffs another smoke. “I thought so too.” There's something about his answer that does not dwell well with Hyunjin and his stomach. He knows that it's been two weeks since they have really talked to each other.

Tonight feels like a good time to do so.

“What are you doing here in my rooftop?” Seungmin asks.

Hyunjin rubs his hands on his face from frustration. The way Seungmin is talking to him sounds like _get the fuck out of here, I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you_ in Hyunjin’s ears. The treatment is killing Hyunjin bit by bit.

“I'm facing my fear.” He says vaguely. Seungmin reacts by glancing at him. “The height, I mean.”

“You're still scared, huh.”

“And you? Why are you here?” He questions in return,

Seungmin faces him, head on. “Facing my fear, too, yeah.”

Hyunjin is a loser. Hyunjin is a coward. He watches as Seungmin smothers the cigarette on the ground with his shoes. Hyunjin is a loser, why can't he just say those words and have a decent conversation with him? Why are the words failing in his throat now?

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry and hey I'm in love with you. Have been for a long time._

But none of these words are uttered as Seungmin leaves and he answers with a “Yeah.” in his lightest voice he can ever muster and thinks that he's failed Seungmin and himself in this world.

\-----

_Happy Birthda_ y, the text reads.

Hyunjin tries to tear his eyes away from the message and tries to ignore the pang in his chest. Yet, it stays there as he reads the message further.

_You might be wondering why I'm messaging, I do, too. But I guess I just wanted to greet you a happy birthday, or maybe I'm just making an excuse to talk to you again. I don't know which, you know. Do you remember when you asked me that you want to see me skate? Just asking. But yeah, sorry I sound so awkward now. But yeah, have a happy day._

_Perhaps I'll see you. Around._

_Seungmin_ _._

_Then oh_ , Hyunjin realizes that there are tears flowing from his eyes.

He misses Seungmin so much.

\-----

“Hyunjin, come on.” Felix says.

Hyunjin halts on his place and turns to face Felix who is all red from chasing him down the university. It's tiring at most when Felix keeps insisting and is the definition of stubborn. He's going to end this, once and for all now.

“What.” He deadpans at him.

Felix takes his hands with his. It would have given him fluttering butterflies supposedly but it doesn't. “I want you to take me back again, Hyunjin.”

“No.” He straightforwardly says. “I mean it when it's over. Now, please.” He pries his hands off of him. “What you and I had, Felix, is over. I don't want to have anything with you anymore. I'm sorry.”

“You're joking.”

“No.”

Felix nods his head and laughs bitterly. “Seungmin must have done something right with you, I guess. I'm sorry, too.” And then he's walking away now.

_“_ _Seungmin_ _must have done something_ _right_ _with you, I guess_ _.”_

_Something right_ , Hyunjin agrees.

\-----

There's a roaring sound of thunder but Hyunjin sits still on the bench. The door to the classroom finally opens and he watches as the other students try to escape the school as soon as they can. He sees Seungmin walking towards him, finally. Finally.

“Hi.” He greets with a leery smile, hands dusting his jeans as he stands up.

Seungmin looks as nice as ever. He's always looked at his best. Perhaps it's because it's Seungmin who is always all smile at anything and everything in this world no matter how heart breaking things already are. Even if Seungmin has already cried so many times, at the end of it, he still smiles.

It's his charm and Hyunjin is charmed by it.

Also, the only thing that's changed is Seungmin’s hair color. It's not jet black anymore. It's more like of brown and it's getting longer. But he still rocks it. Seungmin rocks whether it's black or brown or purple. He always does.

“I'm glad you made time.”

“I just can't ignore you.” Seungmin’s answer is so honest. So him. “So --- why did you call me out? Why did you want to see me?”

Hyunjin hardly looks at him. “I think --- I missed you.”

“You think?” Seungmin shakes his head. “Have you ever considered me being good enough? For you?”

“Seung...” He sighs, raking his hands in his hair. “You know you always have been good enough. Fuck, I think you're perfect enough.”

Hyunjin sees the insecurity inside Seungmin’s eyes and regrets it and swallows the regret seeping through his body. “Then why?”

“It's me. You know I told you how fucking shitty I am when it comes to relationship. But I never even thought of Felix when I was with you.”

“Would you ever though? If he insists?”

Hyunjin considers it first. “Never. I was happy. Happiest, in fact, with you.”

“I was, too.” Seungmin admits. Hyunjin sucks in breath. “I fucking fell in love with you.”

Fell, in the past tense. Hyunjin is bitter at the thought that he is not anymore.

“I still am.” He continues. “But I have these issues now. All these issues that what if suddenly you grow tired of me? What if I wake up and you're going to crawl back to Felix? What if you realize it's Felixall along? Can I even take that? Can I even take my best friend out of my life? If I try --- if I try to give us a second chance, is it worth it?”

“Don't.” Hyunjin answers, eyes fixed on the ground. “I don't deserve it. Fuck, I don't even deserve you. Why would you even try to give me a chance?”

“Why not?”

“Would you ever want to be with someone who is shitty with relationship? You know it --- worse, experienced it firsthand, I don't want to hurt you again, Seung.”

“It wouldn't be again if you try, too.”

“I---” This time, he meets his eyes. They are soft and Hyunjin wants to melt. “I'm so so sorry, Seung. I --- I'm so sorry.”

The thunder roars again.

He feels Seungmin tugging him on his hands and it's a surprise for him when he looks at Seungmin with worry on his face. “I'll walk you home.”

“What?”

Seungmin does not answer. But his hands have slipped off from him and they're walking back to his apartment.

\-----

The recital is finished and Hyunjin can finally breathe now. He does so as soon as their crew comes down from the stage. The adrenaline rush is still there as his other friends welcome him with their open arms and Hyunjin would have laughed heartily had he not caught him at the far corner.

He has a bouquet of flowers in his hand and looking very dashing in his plainest white damned t-shirt and ripped jeans. It's been months since he's last seen him --- the last one was when he walked him home --- and boy the missing months do him wonder.

Because his heart is making a mess of tumbling emotions inside. He's missed him so much.

The latter walks forward and hands him the bouquet.

“Fancy seeing you again.” Hyunjin comments with a smile.

Seungmin shrugs his shoulder. “Well, someone sent me an invite to his recital and I can't fail him, you know.”

“Oh wow, where's the confidence finally coming from?”

The younger rings his arms around the older as he leans to whisper, “So is the best dancer in this world seeing someone?”

Hyunjin takes a glimpse of him with a teasing smile, “Depends on whether the next CEO is seeing someone, too.”

\-----

Hyunjin and Seungmin are a mess.

The movie is serving as their background as they lie side by side each other, just laughing, throwing insults here and there about how ridiculous the movie is. But both are too lazy to get up and change it.

It's a fresh air, a fresh new start for the both of them.

“Do you think we can give this a chance?” Seungmin is cautious, oh-so-cautious in asking. His fingers turn from him to Hyunjin then back to him.

Hyunjin is not sure whether to take it as a joke or not.

“I ---”

“I want to try, you know. To be that person again.”

“But I'm shitty.” He says, biting down his lips.

“I get jealous easily.” Seungmin admits with a smile, rubbing his fingers on Hyunjin’s lips. It’s a habit he’s picked on lately.

And finally, Hyunjin smiles because he knows this is not easy. Not for them, at the very least. Seungmin has trust issues, jealousy issues, as well, and Hyunjin has self-insecurities.

“But, would you like to try again?” Seungmin pursues.

“Why would you ever forgive me?” He asks back, because this is surreal.

Seungmin ruffles his hair,Hyunjin bites his hands off. “Guess, that's what you do when you're in love with someone? Sometimes, you just --- forget. You just forget that they have hurt you and just want to love.”

“I'm insecure, though.”

“And I have so much love to give, Jin. So much love to cover both of us. But, you have to try it, too. You have to try to let me in, too. I want you to tell me everything and anything.”

Hyunjin nods, worming his way onto Seungmin’s chest. He misses this. The way Seungmin wraps his arms around him is really warm and he's going to stay with this warmth for as long as he can.

“Felix and I had a talk.” Seungmin tenses with his revelation. “After you and I had a fall out. He tried to win me back, I guess, but I made sure to tell him that it's really over between us.”

“Okay.” Seungmin breathes out. “Okay.” Hyunjin is not sure whether he's convincing Hyunjin or himself.

“When I try to run away, I want you to chain me up --- tie me up, in a bed or on a chair, just don't let me go.”

Seungmin sighs in relief as his arms tighten around him, shoulders shaking form laughter. “I guess, I should also try to stop being so jealous all the damn time, you know.”

“I guess we can be both problematic and I guess we can try to deal with those problems together.”

“Let's solve first your kinkiness, Hyunjinnie.”

\-----

The sunlight seeps in through the white window curtains of Seungmin’s room and Hyunjin has a hard time opening his eyes. But when he does, he sees the most beautiful and gorgeous sight he can ever laid his eyes on.

It's Seungmin, facing him, eyes closed with a smile. It's so attractive that Hyunjin can't help but giggle and bumps his nose into his. It makes Seungmin awake. And this is, Hyunjin decides, the best sight to ever wake up on.

“I want to open my eyes first thing in the morning seeing you. I want to start my day with your face, with your kisses, with you.” Hyunjin says with a blush. “I want my morning to be you.”

Seungmin giggles and captures his lips with his own.

And oh, this is so so so nice. The nicest pair of lips Hyunjin would ever want to kiss --- would ever want to taste. And fuck, it's his and his alone.

“Wow,” Seungmin is breathless after. “had I known you were this fucking cheesy, I would have ran away first thing first.”

“Guess who's going to run after you.” Hyunjin winks and gives him finger guns with click clack sound.

Seungmin pretends to throw up and Hyunjin nuzzles his nose further into his hard chest.

“I guess then I'll fill you up --- your whole heart until there's no empty spot.” Seungmin says seriously and Hyunjin likes it. So much. It makes him giggly. “It's like we're two halves of one heart and together we're one.”

“Fuck,” Hyunjin remarks. “have I created a cheesy monster out of you?”

“Well,” He cups Hyunjin’s face with his hands and Hyunjin purrs like a cat that Seungmin likes oh so much. “I can be your personal cheesiness monster.”

“Shut your trap, Kim Seungmin.” But Hyunjin’s smiling face says otherwise. “Shut your trap and kiss me instead.”

Seungmin mock-salutes him. “Sir, yes, sir.” Seungmin then swoops in for a longer kiss this time.

Maybe, Hyunjin realizes, that Seungmin is someone that he's willing to change for. No more fall backs when his relationship fails him. This time, he's willing to risk things for Seungmin and Seungmin alone.

_Just for you, only for you. Always only for you._

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are HIGHLY appreciated!!&&&


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